Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
