I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
