My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize