I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
