exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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