i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
