You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
These tits shall not be calmed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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