You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
