I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
