remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
