The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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