I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
