8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Even my vagina gasped.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
