Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
