I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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