If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
