I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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