apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
