Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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