After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
