I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
