You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
