I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
