Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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