I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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