I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
