Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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