My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
