is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
