i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
