porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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