just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
