It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
