a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
