Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
