Already got asked if we're dating
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
