hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
