Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
