I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
