I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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