just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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