actually, I'm a sock model
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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