they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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