he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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