Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
