would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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