So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
