She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
