Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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