On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
