theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
