You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
