I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
