Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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