dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He did a backflip because drugs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize