I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
