she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
