We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
