im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
