I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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