honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i came on her dog
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
