the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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