I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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