I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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