What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
