Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
