my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
