Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
