Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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