ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's shark week go big or go home
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
