I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
